Friday, June 09, 2006

Semangatku yang hilang~~

actually got something else in mind for my prevoius update tapi dah kene tagged, so layan tagged dulu.. hehehe.. so, here goes my update..

hari nih 10 june 2006. sabtu. 12.45 pm. maka genap setahun daku melanjutkan ijazah lanjutan di UPM ni. bermakna selesai sudah 2 semester and got another 2 sem to go~ [mengikut perancangan lar]. tapi ermm...

projek master ku melibatkan penyediaan membran. mcm filem tipis. membran ni boleh dibuat sebagai tenaga alternatif dlm bentuk tenaga elektrik. siap sample ni, akan guna LCR meter utk ukur konduktiviti dan Raman System utk kaji morfologi membrane. so, bunyinya mudah-sediakan sample dan ukur konduktiviti serta tgk morfologi. tapi.....

nak sediakan sample amik masa berhari2. proses stirring and drying jer dah 5 hari! tu baru satu keping sample. daku perlukan at least 30 sampel pada ratio yg berbeza. sample ni mcm touch and go! kalau jadik, nasib baik. kalau tak, kene tabah dan ulang semula prosesnya. kene baca byk sgt journal utk tahu ratio and suhu serta proses yg sesuai. technic penghasilannya harus ku kaji. try teknik ni utk satu sample, tak jadik, buang! cuba teknik lain, tak jadik, buang! sedar tak sedar.. dah habis dah 2 semester... tapi akhir nya, dlm byk2 sampel, takde satu pun yg daku puas hati menjadi. *sigh* dan yg terkini.. rupa2nya, baru aku tahu yg sampelku tu kene taruk asid fumerik utk cross-link kan polimer PVA dan zeolite! patutlar biler buat pengukuran, konduktivitinye berada pada level penebat jer.. sedangkan aku nak dia pada level conducting!jadi selama yg aku buat nih.. sampel tu semuanyer sesia belaka~~ *nak menangis boley?* [kenapa lar aku terlmbt jumpa journal ni?] well, i'm not that fond in chemistry cause i'm doing physic here. so, i'm just playing with conductivity and radiation. its no wonder i dont know much about acids~

my story line here is.. i'm out of track! dah habis 2nd sem ni, patut dah ada data segala. patut dah start thesis writing chapter 1 dan proses writing experimental set-up. tapi ni baru nak mula balik buat sample mcm awl2 sem dulu. kalau sample tak jadi mmg tahap membunuh semangat nak teruskan projek. dah jadi pun belom tentu dapat bacaan yg kita nak. supervisor nak result jer, tak tgk kita buat! kalau tak jadi, maka kritikan2 pedas menyinggah di telinga. [supervisorku plg terkenal dgn maki budak] ayat yg terbaru daku dapat is--> "you are HOPELESS!!". *sigh*. Dia amat berharap daku sambung phD dlm bidang ni sbb projek ni terlalu baru.

so, dgn kata2 "semangat" dari supervisor dan the fact that all my samples are useless without any cross-linker, maka semngt ku kembali terbunuh. aku terduduk. Terjelepok. Memikirkan bhw tak mungkin boleh habis dlm masa 2 tahun. rite at that instant, i knew i had to differ my studies.. *sigh* [habis melayang lar duit aku byr yuran~]

dlm keadaan tensen mcm tuh, my former labmate came to visit me. with his experience, he guide me. but only for one day. i almost cried when i told him wat happen. but he said...
"Shifa.. lagi byk silap kita buat, lagi byk menda baru kita belajar. hasil sample kau yg salah tu, kau gain ilmu baru,which is org lain tak tahu. ilmu kau bakal menjadi aset penting negara. once kau dah pakar, tgk lar berapa byk company berebutkan kau nnt! boleh demand beb! Sebab malaysia is going for alternative energy, which is menda yg kau tgh buat sekarang nih. lagi satu, kau bakal guna Raman Spec, which is tak ramai pakar alat ni kat mesia. kau jadi mahal nnt. So, kau study lar elok2"

Aku tersentak. Tak pernah terfikir. busy with my sample till i forgot what i'm doing now is for my country. my sample here is going to replace petrol. no more pollution, no minyak hitam, no battery. Just a stack of membrane place in a car and cars are moved by the electricity of the external circuit from the membrane. Using methanol as the source of hydrogen for the membrane n you'll have pure H2O as the byproduct. Very environmental friendly...

I was touched by his words... [kononnyer mcm naik semngt] but frankly.. still couldnt find it yet... Seriusly.. project ni sgt mencabar.. takde rujukan thesis nak dicopy paste. [tipical malay student huh?] semngt ku masih terbunuh... [Ya Allah~bantu lar hambamu ini] pernah jer terfikir nak quit tapi, sekali dah ke depan, takkan nak toleh belakang pulak kan... tapi kat depan ni... tak terjumpa lagi semangat ku yang hilang! *sigh*