Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Story of a pain~*

People ask me, how does it feel to feel hurt? Love hurts. And let me tell you a story about hurt and pain…

One day, you found love. You thought everything went nice. So nice that you tend to do stuffs that you don’t usually do with your friends. Sms everyday. Calling just to ask where you are. How you’re doing. Just wanna hear his/her voice.This is what they say that love is blind. For certain people, it sounds blind. Or maybe to most people, sounds blind. Whatever lah.

Then one day, he/she call it off. Cause they realize, its just not right. He/she trying to sound nice, trying to make you understand their right/nice intention. But somehow, you realize its just not easy. It may be easy for them but its just not easy for you. Cause its all in the sudden. Then you realize how stupid you are. How fool you have been for all these while. And how blind you were all these while. Then for no apparent reason, you just get sad... and mad. And for me, this is where you can call love is blind..

So here’s the part of pain. You’ll feel your chest so heavy. It may go to the stage of macam susah nak bernafas, depends on how much love that you’re giving up. Then dah sakit dada, you get dizzy. Kepala sakit. Letak kepala kat bantal, lagi lah sakit. So you just tend to sit down je. Setiap kali tutup mata, all the sweet memories you gain came replaying on your mind. Especially the part where he promises not to leave you no matter what happen. Well, that is pain. So you cannot shut your eyes. But still, your chest feels so much pain, you hardly breath with your dizzy head. Then this is the part where your tears came rolling down. Like a waterfall. That is pain.

So during that time, your trust slowly fade away. You feel like you dont want to have any contact with that person. Not only him/her,you don’t want to make any contact with any guy/girls anymore. Hatred came rushing in as you struggle to keep your head up straight. Of course, don’t expect to have any rasional thinking during this time. Anger is taking over your heart, so what ever you have in mind is just not rasional cause it is driven by the hatred of your heart. That is pain.

The best thing to do at this time is to just stand up, go the kitchen and get your self a drink of plain water [helps to sooth your face and esak2 tangisan tuh] and then go wash your face and take a wudu’. Then pergilah mengadap Dia. Cukup lah solat 2 rakaat, just to get that peace in your heart. After that, habis je solat, tunduk lah menangis dpn Dia. Menangis lah puas2. Mengadu lah dgn Dia. Lepaskan lah segala sakit dada tu kat Dia. Mintak ampun byk2. Sebab biler sujud tu kan, pening kepala tuh boleh hilang. Boleh sedar lah kita ni mmg manusia lemah giler. Baru sorang je yang kecewakan kita, sakitkan kita, dah terasa sakit hati macam pedang tusuk2 kat dada kita. Sebab masa tu lah sedar… betapa bodoh lah kita ni. That is pain.

After that, kita mungkin boleh pura2 mcm takde pape. Dgn org lain kita boleh act normal walupun kita tak pandai berlakon dan org lain nampak je ada sumthing wrong dgn kita, but at least takde apa2 yg ditimbulkan depan kita, then that wud be ok. We can still live normal life and everybody is ok with us. But deep down inside, it is hurting us.

During nights before going to bed, those memories came replaying in your mind. It hurts but you have no choice but to sleep with it. Jangan terkejut when you sleep with your tears rolling down. And you can’t stop it cause during days, you keep all those deep inside. The pain grew and it burst at nite, before going to bed. And it kept repeating nite after nite….. till the pain became less but that need hell lot of time. And yeah… time heals. But the deeper your love, more time is needed to heal it. And the process of healing? Yeah.. it hurts.. painfully hurts.

But there is still the good part of being hurt… you don’t tend to eat too much, which is good cause you can control the amount you eat and eat biler rasa lapar and stop eating sebelum kenyang. Makan ala kadar, which is digalakkan. You loose al the bad-bad fat in your body and gain better figure. You don’t have to bother to go on a diet cause you have the capability to lose 10kg in 1 ½ month. Great huh~? Plus, you tend to work harder to forget all your pain. For those with hard determine heart [org degil la~] selalunye akn make themselves busy sebab refuse to think about those sorrows. Work harder, play harder and pray harder, trust me, you’ll get paid for that. But again, your pain will burst out at nite.. when people are not around… That hurts, painfully...

Another bright side is, you get to think wiser and mature. What went wrong and what is wrong and right. You tend to improve yourself to be a better person and try not to look back [eventho sumtimes you do some peeking] but that wont stop you from moving forward.[this is the part where you get your head back straight and have that rasional kinda thinking cause you've cooled down] You become a stronger person with higher self-esteem and strong determination at heart. Its not easy to build this kind of personailty but pain does it all. Some people seek for revenge but in the end, you'll just realize that revenge only hurts you more. Dont bother to do anything for that person cause He/she doesnt even deserve your revenge.

Well,its just story of hurt and pain. By love. But love is just so wonderful and most people think that its worth taking the risk. I’m not trying to scare ya' all but love is universal. It depends on the individual how to interpret it and how you guide it. Love can be the most beautiful thing in the world but many of us misunderstood it. That what makes love hurts…. And guess I’m just one of them…

I’m dedicating this song... to you…

Not ready to make nice
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could‘
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

But hey again... like i said.. its just a story... ;)