January itu~*

It's been quite a while [again~] for me not to update… Jangan kan update, bloghoppping pun takde buat dah… can’t seem to find the right reason why but mostly is my mood [which is not in a swing actually] yang tak berapa rajin nak update. Maybe because my mum bawak kamera pergi Mekah tu buat saya tak berapa semangat nak update sebab tak best nak update takde gambar ni kan. Kalau ada gambar mmg senang sket, takyah nak tulis banyak2.

Seems like without digicam ni ibarat blog ni patah kaki but thanks to my bored mood today, blog ni terupdate jugak. Apa kisah nak cerita pun tak tahu tapi yang pasti, tak sampai hati nak biarkan blog ni bersawang lama2 lagi...

Nothing much happen to me lately. One and a half month without a mother around the house makes me realize that’s its not easy to be a mother. Its not like I haven’t taken the responsibility before, it’s just that things are not the same without a mother around. Every decision need to be done at that time [usually I seek advice from ummi] and to make sure that everything is in right order. Good thing I had a sister who is just one year younger than me, so we manage to make our house, a home.

Last time, our house went black-out. The cuak part was that every house around the neighbour had their lights on but not ours~! Waktu malam la pulak tu [plus our neighbourhood punye area dah tanda sbg kawasan merah] My dad is not around. Nasib baik ada Izam, mmbr ayah yg biasa buat maintenance around our house. Luckily mlm tu dia tak blk Pahang lagi. Mlm2 tu la dia dtg dgn kawan dia baiki the electricity in our house. After what happen to my neighbour not long time ago, I just cannot imagine my house without any lights around and my siblings are fully occupied that nite. Semua org ada mlm tu kecuali ummi abah. And that nite I learn to worry about my brothers and sisters more than I worry myself. Bukannya tak pernah risau sebelum ni, cuma mlm tu risaunya lain macam. And that’s how I learn what my mother feels for us. Kerisauan yang lahir dari perasaan kasih sayang.

Maaf. One simple word that can change a whole lot of things. You see, I haven’t had a good relationship with my eldest younger brother. I don’t know how to treat him right. Did you ever came across something like it’s hard to get along with your siblings but its just easy to do it with friends? Same goes to me. We never had this conversation like sitting down on the table and have those nice chit chat. Maybe because I went to a boarding school and never had to grow up with him. It’s kinda normal thing to feel him like a stranger even we’re under one same roof. But that doesn’t bother me, and doesn’t bother him too. Until one day, something happened. Dia kantoi. So, it made the situation worse. Lagi lah tak bercakap dgn dia. Lagi lah dia asyik nak mengelak dari saya. Tapi dah duduk serumah, sampai bila dia nak elak. So, I confront him and ask him why he is so cold to me. Being a typical ego guy, he said “takde pape lah kak…” and just walk away, trying his best to avoid me. Then I realize, its not easy to talk with a guy, a brother. I got tired. Walaupun tak melibatkan perang mulut, but still it’s a hassle. Lastly, I ask a friend how to settle things in a guy's way. He said just ask for forgiveness even if its not your fault. Rendahkan ego. Mintak maaf. So I send my brother an sms of forgiveness. I don’t know what it was for but I just send it. Adik buat salah, kakak yang kene mintak maaf. Mana2 kakak dlm dunia ni pun akan geram dgn adik macam ni [jgn ingat adik laki je ada ego, kakak pun ada ego jugak] but that one sms of forgiveness taught me something. An sms with the word MAAF in it change everything. After receiving that sms, he came straight home, pulling me to his room, took my hands and kiss my hands as he said “Kaklong, patutnya saya yang mintak maaf dgn akak. Saya minta maaf byk2 ye kak…” and to feel his tears on my hand is the most touching moment. I just hug him for the first time [the last time I hug him when he was a baby~!] and told him that everything will be alright. I cannot describe that feeling but it was so relieved. Feeling to love him more. Since that day, he’s always at home and always has the gurau2 mood with me, which is something he haven’t done it for years… Teringat cerita CINTA, the part of dialog “kdg2 org yg plg kita sayang adalah org yg plg susah kita nak sayang” and I find it is very much true…

Well, to everyone out there yang ada terasa dgn saya dalam apa jua bentuk, sama ada saya sedar atau tak, sama ada saya sengaja atau tak sengaja, SaYa MiNtA MAAF…

P/S : And thank you to that friend who teaches me the real meaning of MAAF…