Saturday, October 06, 2007

Disorder in courts~*

Ones that really keeping me laughing.. haha~ might as well share with you all~ have fun guys!

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the AmericanCourts' & are things people actually said in court,word for word, taken down and now published by courtreporters that had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband saidto you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________ _________ _________ _________ _____

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?____________ _________ _________ _________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.____________ _________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until thenext morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________ _________ _________ ______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.____________ _________ _________ ____

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!____________ _________ _________ _________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________ _________ _________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?____________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess.____________ _________ _________ _______

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.____________ _________ _________ ________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on deadpeople. Would you like to rephrase that?____________ _________ _________ _

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Whatschool did you go to?WITNESS: Oral.____________ _________ _________ _________ __

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________ _________ _________ _________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?____________ _________ _________ _

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in ajar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive & practicing law____________

P/S : Sorry for the mess... malas nak betulkan sebab copy paste sajor.Hehe~