Lawatan kanak2 bawah umur~*

WooOO~ penatnya baru balik dari lawatan hari nih. Lawatan ke muzium negara, planetrium dan sambutan birthday cousin yg pertama. I went there with my sisters~mazrah, husna and izzah. Without any further explaination,these pictures reflect the stories...

Well, kat belakang tuh adalah tembaga yg berusia lebih dari 100 tahun. Tapi dgn budak2 yg bergaya lebih2 ni, menjadikan tembaga tuh kelihatan up to date! Sape ntah mengajar budak2 ni bergaya~! [buat muka tak bersalah] {Kiri-izzah ; Kanan-Husna}

Kat belakang tuh adalah gmbr alat2 muzikal yg lama seperti gong dan peking. Dia macam alat gamelan tapi yg versi lama lar kot...
[KakLong ; "Wokeh.. lepas nih kita main kan lagu Sway~! muahahaha.." ]
[Husna & Izzah ; "Oh noooo... not again~!!" *sigh* ]

Bersama jaguh2 badminton negara~ brother-brother sidek!

Kat belakang tuh adalah akuarium tapi tak nampak hape ikan2 nya. Terus plan nak pergi akuaria lepas nih.. [ Husna ; "KakNgah.. cantik tak gambar kalau Na buat gaya mcm nie...?" ~haihh.. adik aku nie...]

Bapak lar besar buaya nih~! Nih adalah saiz asal buaya tembaga-lebih 7 meter! Tapi of course lar its a fake one.. [ Izzah ; "oh tidak KakLong~! selamat kan adik...!" Husna ; "Relak lar dik.. cuba buat gaya cool mcm akk nih..."]

Mazrah bersama kawan baik nya, Si Abu! [mazrah plan nak selamatkan kawan dia nih nanti!] muehehehe...

Bersama hasil tangkapan kami.. ikan kerapu gergasi! Iyyeaarrgghhh~~~!! [malam nanti akk masak ikan kerapu masam manis yer.. nyum.. nyum..]

Izzah pun ada kawan baik nama Atan. Pun dia plan nak selamatkan Atan nih nanti! Auummm~* [ Izzah ; "Oh.. adik tak takut la KakLong.. dia kan kawan adik. Kawan adik tak makan kawan~!"]

Bakal angkasawan negara yg keberapa ntah~! [Alamak... muka adik tak sampai lar KakLong~! KakNgah cepat lar tangkap gambar.. adik tak tahan nak gayut lama2 kat gambar nie!]

Bilik anti-graviti. Bilik nih senget sebenarnya, tu pasal kalau lepak lama2 dalam ni, maunya bikin pening~! Silap haribulan, boleh termuntah. I guess macam tuh lar rasanya kalau berada dalam atmosfera anti-graviti. [Aiseh.. Izzah~! kenapa tuh? terus lakonan tak menjadi!]

Ok.. bilik nih sebenarnya sangat gelap, hanya ditemani lampu ala2 neon yg sgt malap. Tapi biler gambar ditangkap, terus semua isi kandungan dalam bilik nih nampak. It's because of the flash from the camera lar.. [adik jangan lari2 dik.. nanti jatuh!]

Lagi satu sudut yg sangat gelap sebenarnya tapi biler gambar ditangkap, the yellow line is very clear. Well, nih bilik ape ntah tapi setelah diteliti dlam gambar ni, it's the atmosfera in a space and the lines are use to picture the coordinate of the stars... hmm.. interesting! [the actual reason why i like physics~the mysterious of stars and space!]

On our way to party~! One good lesson learnt at this hour.. never go out to KL on saturdays~! [duh..~]

Me and the birthday girl~Puteri Yazmin! She's one year old now.. [Kenapa Izzah tak simpan tu? kalau hilang titbits tuh, don't come and cry to me~!]

Another sweet vision to capture. Bukan senang nak pegang this birthday gurl nih. Kalau tak, asyik nangis jer.. Good thing I have some kind of charm towards kids~! muahahahaha...

Birthday party at A&W in PJ. Husna, Izzah, the pinkish Fatihah and Farah back there. Sepupu sepapat satu gang ni. I know they will grow up beautifully together... Along with the hot-hot gossips nanti~!

These kids are having fun after the games~! [ mujur semalam dapat byk duit syling 50 sen-buat masuk kat kuda2 tu nak kasi gerak]

Well, I love having kids around me. So, i did enjoy and have fun~! These little girls pick to go to the muzium and planetarium is because the big boss daddy tak kasi izin kat diorg nih ikut rombongan sekolah atas sebab safety aspect. So,kakak2 mereka yg besar nih lar diupah utk membawa mereka melawat ke tempat yg sepatutnya rombongan sekolah ni bawak. [lain kali lar kaklong bawak ke muzium hantu tu ok.. sebab muzium hantu tuh tak termasuk dlm package rombongan sekolah!]

When will this end?

Ish.. geramnya~!!! tu jer yg boley cakap sekarang ni..

I was browsing the newspaper online. First page was the ever innocent babies yg luka dan berbalut... sayu nyer... ;( hish... entah sampai biler la kekejaman ni nak berakhir. The lost of their family, friends, homes... i dont know how these can get any worse... tak boley bayang kalau menda2 nih semua jadi kat kita.. Why are they so cold hearted? no need of harsh words here coz i believe, rata2 blog dah meluahkan amarah mereka..
all i can say now is...
Ya ALLAH Ya Tuhanku, Kau beri lah kekuatan kepada hamba2 mu menentang kekejaman dan mengembalikan kesejahteraan umat Islam seluruhnya. Berkati lah perjuangan umat Islam dalam menuntut kembali hak mereka. Kau satukan lah hati kami dalam perjuangan ini. Kau hancurkan lah binatang2 kejam bertopengkan manusia! Kau buka kan lah hati manusia2 tu agar kembali ke jalan yg benar dan seterusnya menghentikan segala peperangan yg sia2 ini... Ampuni lah dosa2 hamba2 mu Ya ALLAH~!

Another victim of the cold-hearted war.. an innocent boy who may not understand anything... when will this end???

BAYI malang, Shahd Okal, (gambar kiri) lapan bulan terbunuh bersama kakaknya, Maria Okal, 5, (gambar kanan) apabila sebuah kereta kebal Israel menggempur rumah mereka di utara Gaza, kelmarin.

Ish... org tua, babies, wanita hamil... semua nyawa bagaikan takde nilai.. cukup la 2 keping gambar nie... tak sanggup nak cari gambar2 lain dah...

Moga mereka semua berada di bawah perlindungan-Nya... Ameeenn..!

That's it... I had Enough~!

I decided to put an end to these sorrow and pain. I’ve been thru a very long week. One hell of a week. Hari ni genap seminggu aku bertemankan status baru-single! Saham kembali naik... [ececeh.. sempat perah santan sendiri]

A friend told me that i need to put a limit for all these. And yeah~ a week is enough. He doesn’t deserve another minute from me. Almost 3 tahun tu cukup dah utk dia. Regrets? No-lah! Because i believe in everything yg berlaku, ada hikmahnya. Takde rasa sia2 pun masa terbuang. Getting to know the warmth of love in his family is never a waste. One thing i regret is, he seldom see this. Good thing his family still want to keep in touch with me. Lagipun, I broke up with him, not his family.

Who’s to blame? Nope. I refuse to find anybody’s fault. I may be sad but i don’t want to blame or hate anyone. Especially myself. Boyfriend comes, boyfriend goes. So what? A friend said, boyfriends are just like jewelleries. You wear them, you look prettier but if you lose them, you can still look pretty. He’s a jewellery like a ring and i didnt loss my ring. I just gave it up to another girl yg nmpk berkenaan dgn my ring. Rupanya, dah lama dia intai cincin aku nie. Hendak tak hendak, aku sedekahkan jer lah cincin yg almost 3 tahun aku pakai tu kat dia sebab cincin emas tu pun harga beberapa ratus jer. Dia boleh amik lah cincin second hand aku tu. Polish elok2. Why bother nak sedih cincin tu dah takde sedangkan aku mampu beli cincin diamond platinum bertatahkan berlian permata berpuluh karat? Mmg la cincin tu sentimental value tapi yer lah, harta bukannya bawak masuk kubur pun.

Glad to have my friends around me. I would be stupid if i still mourn for one lost love and didnt see other thousands of love that i have in my family and friends. Like i use to say, i am afford to lose a boyfriend but i cannot afford to lose my family and friends. I know they are always here for me. Boyfriends? Its nice to have them around but kalau takde pun takper je. Good thing, i didnt put my 100% on him. [or else, i couldn’t afford to be far away from him]. I always bear in mind that i’m not his wife yet, so i dont have the right to demand too much from him. I understand that. [he’s always comfortable with me in this way-me not demanding too much] Now that he’s gone, should i mourn? No. Tak guna merintihkan jantan yang tak reti nak hargai kita ni. It's ok to be sad tapi jangan lar meratap dan merintih lebih2. It’s just so not me~!

Frankly, i’m relieve. I do feel the burden being taken out from me. Every breath that i take, is much lighter now. I dont have to keep the worries anymore. No more miserable if he doesn’t call. I dont need to worry if he doesn’t have time to eat. No more worries on his hectic life anymore. He’s on his own now. On his way to seek for another girl’s attention and plead for her love. Well, at least, i dont have to plead for it. Love will come to me. Being left by him doesn’t make me feel any less. And i know he’s not proud of doing it too and having a hard time of his own. He’s facing his family anger and i think that’ll be enuf for him to be in that guilty mode. No need for me to do anything. I’m done with him~!

I’m back on my feet but still need time to stand up straight. At least, i am standing up and trying to hold my chin up high. In this blog, i’m letting it all go out so that i can face the world with higher self-esteem. I have nothing to lose and still gaining the best of what the world can offer me. Most of all, i have my Lord near me, telling me that He has plan something else far better for me out there. Letting go one piece of my life for Him is just a trade for me to get another better piece of life. Patience is the strength He gave me through my Iman. My hikmah here is that i have a higher faith in HIM and i’m really thankful for that. Like my first break-up, i reminded my self that, ‘Tuhan saja nak pertemukan kita dgn org yang salah sebelum Dia pertemukan kita dgn org yang betul’ and for this second time, i met the wrong guy. But these wrong guys taught me a lot. The real meaning of sincere, commitment, caring, sharing, responsibility, appreciation, patience, tolerancy, trust and understanding. These are the package of Love. I need to explore them more before i can use them wisely. When Allah see that i’m wise enough, then He will send me the right guy. For that, I leave it to Allah as He knows what’s best for me.

So, i’m leaving all those pain memories behind for good! I’m looking forward for a better life and moving on to a better path. I guess i found back my smile. I know someone out there is made for me but let him wait as i still want to enjoy the beauty of life. So.... iyyeeaahh~! Sape nak ikut pergi shopping? Sales is just around the corner~! Nak pergi muzium hantu pun tak pergi2 lagi ni wei... Dengarnya, toyol kat sana dok main2 dgn kacang hijau! Pastuh nak pergi Sunway Lagoon sebab ada org tu pergi tak ajak kita. Then nak gi layan bowling and tgk ape movie yang baru keluar... Hehehe... sape nak ikut?!? *wink*wink* [alamak~! Projek tak gerak2 lagi nie... aiseh.. biler asid fumeric nak sampai nih? *sigh*]
A wonderful life indeed~!! Alhamdulillah.... *wink*

Thank You So Much~*

“ It takes 2 minute 2 have a crush on someone, an hour 2 like someone & a day 2 love someone-BUT it takes a lifetime 2 forget someone..Syifa..” –Kak Sya

“Ku memahami perasaanmu shipah.. kau harus cari kekuatan baru. Tiada lain hanya dari yg Maha Perkasa. Aku doakan kau tabah, tenang n cepat melupakan dia..” –Fiza UPM

“Ya Allah! Ye ke? Aku bace sikit je post tu. Lgpun minggu ni aku sibuk. Jenguk blog kau tak sampai seminit pun. I’m very sorry to hear this news. Tell me what can I help you to relieve u. Here is my shoulder for you to cry on. Aku pun penah mengalami, so aku tau camne rasenye… Esok kompem aku bace post kau tu each n every word. Insya-4JJI..” –Zaki

“I pray ALLAH to grant u a MIND free from worry, a heart free from SADNESS, a SOUL free from SIN. May ALLAH bless u today..” –Kak Sya

“sabar la ye kak. Dah takde jodoh. Kak Zuraiha kene bangkit balik. Syada tak tahan tgk akk sedih2 mcm nie. Mmg ditakdirkan ada org lain yg lebih baik dari Mapit utk akk. Tak guna lagi akk nak ingat kat org yg dah tak ingat kat akk lagi…” –Syada

“Zuraiha kene kuat. Kene tabah. Mmg akk salahkan Hafiz. Tapi semua yg berlaku pasti ada hikmahnye. Dia tak layak utk Zuraiha yg terlalu baik. Akk tahu satu hari dia akan kesal tinggalkan awk. Akk tahu mcm mana rasanye ditingglkan. Tipu lar kalau kita tak teringatkan dia. Tapi akk percaya, mmg ditakdirkan ada org lain yg lebih baik dari hafiz utk awk. Awak kene bykkan bersabar dan percaya pada jodoh…” –Along


“Sabar lah ye Zurai. Ada laki lain yg lebih utk ko kat luar sana tuh. Ish.. dulu bukan main berjanji2 kat putrajaya dulu… pastuh buat mcm nie pulak kat kau. Sakit ati aku!” –Ajar@Mama Tijani

“Won’t leave u n definitely won’t give up on ya…. Sabar ye kak. Saya ada jer kat sebelah ni. Tahan ye. Benda ini akan berlalu jugak. Sakit ati saya tgk org buat akk derita mcm ni… Please be strong..” –ejard

“Ingat k. Dia Cuma amik hak dia je yg Dia pinjamkn skjp utk ko,pinjaman Nya yg nk uji ko cekal atau x, putus asa atau x, ko dpt bertahan atau x, BERTAHAN ZURAIHA!” -Zatul Iradah

“Bohong je 2. klu betul ko lebih, pasal apa dia pilih juga? Shipah, amik advise aku ni. KALAU KO NANGIS SAMPAI PENUH 1 TEMPAYAN, RUGI TAU! Ko tu pakej penuh,beauty, talented, genius. Meet someone. Biar dia tgk SHARIFAH ZURAIHA boleh berdiri.. plz don’t hurt urself..” –Fadzal

“Balak kau tgh happy dgn awek baru, yg ko sedih2 sgt buat apa? Balak kau tu jantan paling bodoh pernah aku jumpa. Kau tahu tak ramai laki luar sana yg tengah happy giler kau clash? Masing2 tgh persiapkan diri nak masuk cucuk jarum kat kau [termasuk aku.. haha]. Hang on there girl. Be ready for the new world. Don’t give up on love. New ones are coming thru…” -Din

Sebenarnya, terlalu banyak SMS yg diterima. These are just some random SMS that I receive along with many more, all come in one intention~to give me full support. Terlalu ramai sahabat yg menghulurkan tangan membantu aku kembali bangun utk berdiri di kaki sendiri. Aku terkesima...
Eventhough I’m still in deep sorrow and numb but I couldn’t help myself to update this blog just to say how thankful I am to have these great family and friends.

Thank u to nazneen for accompany me tghari tu, the day after the incident. First time dating wif u, glad to meet u in person. Then to ainiah, its ok awk tak dpt jumpa akk hari tu. I know how u worry me but your duty tak boley di tolak tepi ok. To Mar that came all the way from Kelana Jaya, u just don’t know how I appreciate your presence that evening. I treat u badly that day, do forgive me but I know u understand me well. Thank you mar~!

To farezah hanim, thank u for being just at the rite time wen I shed my tears in the lab. Thank u for distracting me away from him a while when u accompanied me to watch a horror movie. Sorry, I didn’t know u don’t go 4 horrors. To my dear big bro iskandar in the lab, thank u for being understanding. I know u worry me like hell and asking anem to come and look for me. Thank u both for standing by my side.
To murniati and fiza, thank u for dropping by that day and giving me all the encouraging words. Jgn la kau menangis lagi Fiza. Now I share what u feel. Terima kasih la korg sentiasa mendoakan aku. Also to Prof Wan Daud, thank u for the advice of an elder. Dan ye prof, kesedihan saya nih takkan menjejaskan projek saya..

To Safiya, thank u for calling me all the way from Langkawi just to pour out your sweet advice and giving me that firing spirit. U never fail to remind me how strong I am. To Fini Ferrina, I know u r always there for me and how I really feel the full support from u dari tingkap belakang rumah kita nie. To Zatul nun di Kedah, pesan hang selalu jer menusuk jantung aku. Aku tahu kau tahu apa nak buat kat aku kalau kau ada kat sini. Thank u sbb approach adik2 aku utk tlg tgk2 kan keadaan aku kat sini. Hang jgn risau sebab kali ni, aku takde nak terjun tingkap. To Ejard nun di Jordan, thank u for the supporting words of yours. To Ajar nun di Johor and A’an di Pahang, thank u for being a dear fren that I know will support me thru good times and bad times. Also nak ckp thank u awl2 kat Miza [dan juga nanie dan mieza-darling] yg masih belom kontek aku lagi tapi aku tahu Ajar akn kecohkan dan seterusnya bakal mendapat kata2 perangsang lagi dlm masa sehari dua. Thanks lar korg~.

My dear family – ummi and mazrah. Thanks ummi for your motherly support. Your tears touches my heart. And thanks to mazrah sebab tak bersedih pun dgn akk. Good thing u know how I don’t like that sympathy look of yours. Advice kau psl fazilah kamsah tu, I’m not gonna jump hurray! [fazilah kamsah’s advice-kepada insan2 yg baru patah hati, ada satu berita baik utk anda. Anda seharusnya melompat sambil menjerit hurray sebab bakal mendapat pengganti yg jauh lebih baik dari yg dulu…] and yeah mazrah, I’ll replace the song Pieces of Me [ashlee simpson] to Stronger [Britney spears]. Go get that song for me!
To Syada, also thank u for sharing what I feel. Akk redha dah. To Along, juz cant thank u enuf for that words of inspiration from u. Kepada mak abah, terima kasih byk2. saya dah redha takde jodoh dgn Hafiz. Rasanya mak tak perlu la nasihatkan dia. Jgn risau, pelajaran saya tak terganggu dan saya nak cari tempat sambung PhD kat oversea, insya-ALLAH...

Not forgetting to thank my blogger friends- you guys are so amazing~!nad,ejard,mando,kamen,neen,zaki,hata,minci,fiza,awe,kaksya, kid, afiq stroberi, hazlyn, [riema mana ek?] { I even met new bloggers- eng, rafique and afiq says –also new bloggers but old fren- sairatul and murniati} Also thank u to many more that message me– pak polis Fadzal, Asma in Jordan, doctor-to-be Norzi, Sai di USM and dear kak Mizah and kak Huda. Thank u also to those who mentioned my name in their blogs, pouring out their concerns for me. And thank u all for the emails especially the one that poured out his anger towards me, being totally mad at me for moaning over a stupid mangkuk ayun guy that doesn’t deserve me. Thank you for calling me bodoh-kinda push me one step closer to get me back on my feet. Terima kasih byk2 kepada pengunjung2 blog ku yg setia serta kepada semua yg tak putus2 mmberi kata2 semangat yg mungkin tak tersebut nama korg kat sini.

Most of all, setinggi2 kesyukuran kepada-Mu Ya ALLAH kerana aku dikelilingi insan2 yg sentiasa menyayangi diriku. Thru this bad times, this is how You send me strength. Ya ALLAH ya Tuhanku, its Your love that I shud seek into and do forgive me for all my sins. Infinity of thanks to you ya ALLAH and I pray for the happiness of all the people around me and do bless them with good health and life. I just couldn’t thank them enuf and hoping You will bring them peace, joy, success and blessings in their life…

Terima kasih lar kat korg semua… Thanks sgt2… tak tahu nak cakap macam mana dah…

It's the end~*

My hands are trembling rite now. I can’t even focus on my fave show, desperate housewife. In fact I don’t know what to do now… i hope to let this pain go by sharing it in this beloved blog of mine..

Tadi pergi tgk wayang. Alone. Citer pirates of the carribean ; dead man’s chest. Bapak lar best citer dia~! Tapi tak puas hati dgn ending. Definitely akan ada sambungannya~

After that show, I got a call. My hubby dah balik kajang~! Yeayy~! Dia cuti seminggu. We met at Mines. Seeking for cd’s. We ate. Then balik. He accompanied me to my car since we came in separately.

I’m not a good story teller rite now. But directly cakap, we broke up. I wasn’t ready for it. I was shocked. Stunned. Silents fulfilled my car….

“Why…..?”
“I’m sorry sayang. I really tak tahu macam mana nak cakap….” [dia tunduk]
Silence. Trying to make things easy for him… then..
“Awak dah ada org lain ye…” [dia angguk perlahan]
Silence. It was the moment I felt a lightning strikes my heart.
“ I’m so sorry. I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. You’re the most amazing girl I ever met. Sayang adalah wanita paling tabah pernah I jumpa, the most understanding girl I ever met, sayang tak pernah melenting kat abang, sayang adalah perempuan yg paling tahan dgn perangai abang.. nih semua salah abang. Hati abang nih dah takde… i dah takde rasa feeling tu. Please don’t blame yourself. Seriously u takde buat salah.. u sgt penyabar, sgt memahami.Cuma my heart….. dah takde. And its all my fault”
Slowly, I cant even felt my feet. I looked at him blankly. Dunno wat to feel.
“please lar sayang, if you feel like nak marah, luahkan la sekarang. Marah la kat i… this is definitely my fault” he looked at me, pleading me to let go my feelings… but to tell you the truth…
“macam mana saya nak marah awk kalau saya takde perasaan tu? Definitely wat I want now is I want u back…” [still blank masa ckp nih]
“I’m so sorry dear…. Saya dah buat awk mcm nie. Saya lepas kan awk, takkan awk nak balik kat saya.. lagipun, bukan senang saya nak ckp ni. Dah sebulan setgh saya fikirkan tentang perkara nie.”
“apa yg ada kat perempuan tu yg saya takde? Sebab saya takde pape ye?”
“apa sayang mengarut nie, seriously, awk mmg lebih daripada dia. Itu mmg saya tak nafikan. Cuma….” [dia letakkan tgn di hati dia sambil menggeleng means perasaan dia dah takde pada ku]
I dunno wat to say. I just smile and finally…
“Saya takde rasa marah kat awk. Cuma hati awk dah berubah. Saya tak leh nak buat apa. Cuma saya ada masalah besar la sekarang nie. Mcm mana saya nak keluarkan awk dari hati saya? But it’s ok, its not ur problem anymore. I’ll handle it. It’s ok. I’ll be fine” [I gave him the sweetest smile that really comes from my heart.]
And then there it was…. The guiltiest face I ever seen. He gave me the look yg mcm-tak-percaya. He said he never met a very tabah girl like me. He knew I still love him like always coz that’s what I said in between our conversation. And yeah, I did ask for peluang.
“takde ruang langsung ke untuk saya?”
“sayang.. takkan lar u nak tunggu i yg mmg dah takde perasaan lagi nie? Cukup lar u seksa diri macam nie. Please don’t wait for me anymore. I hope u get a better person than me” he looked as if he is pleading me to leave him.
“betol jugak tu.. takkan saya nak tggu org yg dah mmg takde perasaan kat saya kan? Takper lah. At least u did it in the rite way. being honest. ermm… is it becoz I’m not there? Sebab jauh? Or maybe sebab saya tua sgt ke?” [still demanding for answers]
“sayang.. please lar.. jgn mcm nie. Awk takde salah langsung. Saya yg bersalah sebab hati saya yg dah berubah. Saya tak nak berlaku unfair kat awk. U are so amazing and I think I’m not that good enuf for you.” [I was looking forward, buat2 tak dgr apa dia ckp]
“she must be younger kan? Working there.. always in front of you..” [dia angguk perlahan]
“she’s 21. Org yg kerja kat my hospital” at the end of this conversation, seriously I was feelingless. Takde perasaan.
“mcm ni lar. Saya doakan kebahagiaan awk. I just want her to make you happy like u did to me. And please, don’t treat her the way u treat me. Takde perempuan yg akan tahan. Call la dia selalu, sms la selalu, miscall la selalu sebab menda2 kecik mcm tu la yg perempuan appreciate. U have to understand that…” he looked confius but finally nodded.
“u kan tahu i tak suka sgt kontek2 mcm tue….” [masih dgn muka confius]
“that’s my point. Awak nak tackle dia tapi cara awk memberi komitmen ni, directly saya cakap dgn awk, takde perempuan yg akan tahan dgn awk. I just want u to be happy. That’s all.” I smiled. And everytime I smile, he looked so guilty. Like I said, the guiltiest face. I knew dia tak tahan dgn my sikap tenang.
“So this is it lar? Sampai sini lar hubungan kita nie?” [still giving him this hopeful-look]
Dia angguk. “I’m so sorry” was his last words before he went out. I waved him goodbye and gave him my last smile. He just walked off and I looked at him, thinking back what just happened…..

It happened ptg tadi. I glance my mobile device to see the date and it was 18th July 2006. Genap~! 18th October 2003 till 18th July 2006. I cant even count now but I know its more than 2 years. I lost my love, my hope and my dream. I’m still in shock. Yang tahu sekarang ni is his sister, Syada. I went to see her after I broke up. I tried to call someone tapi tak berangkat pulak ;( So I decided to see Syada, my adik ipar-tak-jadi. She tried to persuade me but we end up giggling and laughing at each other. [Trying to cheer me up in the middle of my frustration] She was definitely not happy and said “mak mesti marah abang sebab mak dah suruh abang masuk minang kak zuraiha tahun nie. Kami dah pilih baju dah utk akk”
Suddenly, her eyes full with tears. I persuade her and told her…
“it’s ok lar syada.. dah mmg takde jodoh kami. Hati dia dah berubah, akk tak boley buat apa. I want to fight for him, but I’m all mess up myself. Akk kene kuatkan diri dulu sebelum nak bangkit fight utk dia. Or maybe, tak fight kot, he made it clear that he wont come back to me…..” then syada burst her tears.
“Syada nak cari lar perampas tu. Syada dapat rasakan ini semua sementara saje. Abang mesti nak balik kat kak Zuraiha. Abang tgh mabuk tuh. dia akn dtg balik kat akak. Syada ada instinct.” That was her words that kinda brighten me a bit tapi cepat2 sedar diri.
“Cukup lar Syada. Akk dah takde hati. Nak kutip balik pun, tak tahu nak kutip kat mana.”
I laughed in my midst of sadness. Trying to persuade myself too I guess. [pelakon yg baik?]
“Akk mmg pecah rekod lar. Mana ada org clash ketawa2 mcm nie. Akk sedih sgt2 sebenarnyer kan? Akk menangis jer lah. Jgn simpan2 tahan2. Sakit kan?”
Masa Syada ckp nie, hatiku dah tersentuh. Dia lah insan pertama yg berjaya keluarkan my tears. [boley pulak masa ni keluar lagu smallville… ‘ I cant stand to fly.. I’m not that naïve..’ aiseh… lupa tajuk] cepat2 kesat mata. Mana boley kalah dgn perasaan sendiri. Her simpati is the last thing I ever wanted. It will make me feel weak. Mcm kryptonite punyer batu melemahkan superman, mcm tu lar penangan simpati org terhadap diriku.

“Akak… jangan simpan2. Luahkan je. Syada pun remuk jugak nie sebab Syada takkan terima org lain sebg kakak ipar syada!”
I realize, apa hal lar aku pergi carik perempuan nie. Bertambah sedih. I just want to apologize for all the wrong things I ever done to her and most of all, I want her to send my regards to her mum. Mak yg telah byk taburkan kebaikan pada diriku.
“Mcm ni lar Syada, nothing change between us ok? Hubungan akk dgn awk n mak pun tetap mcm dulu. Kalau di jemput dtg rumah, insya-ALLAH akk dtg. [bisik] tapi make sure abg awk takde” then we burst out laughing again… [aiseh.. ni sape pujuk sape nie?]
Syada gave me her simpati look. I hate that look, so I persuade her…
“Syada.. sama ada akk sedih or happy, akk tetap dah clash. Sama jer. So, apa guna sedih2? Akk tak nak sedih2. Nnt sakit. And I want u to make me happy. Tolong jgn buat muka sedih mcm tu” she forced her smile.
“Kak Zuraiha… akk tggu lebih 2 tahun tau…”
“Dah.. dah.. cukup~!!”

Rasa nyer aku dah mengarut nie. I feel blank. Feelingless. I can’t even feel my fingers on this keyboard or my feet on the floor. I need to get back on track. But Syada is rite. I cant deny what I feel. Remuknya hati nie, Tuhan je tahu. Good thing I still have a little love for myself, so that I won’t be doing stupid stuffs if anything like this happens...

Lebih 2 tahun tersia-sia mcm tu je. Regrets? I don’t feel that.. Sedih? Entah lar.. Kecewa? I don’t want to even think about it. Life goes on. But I know I can’t go on yet. I need to kutip balik those pieces of me [masa balik dgr lagu ashlee simpson-pieces of me] so that I can have my feelings back. I’m blur and blank and need time to think back. It’s so heavy carrying this burden but yeah…. Ada org pernah ckp, kalau kita sayang org tu, tak semestinye kita akan hidup bersama org tu. Now I know how it feels. Pain. Great pain. Really great pain. And worse is, this pain is not going away. I don’t intend to keep it, but trust me, it doesn’t want to come out yet. Sampai sekarang, tak sampai 3 helai tisu pun yg kesat air mata ni. I want to let it go but I don’t know how. And this pain is totally hurting me. I don’t know wat to do. I just hope that by sharing the world what I feel, I can ease up my pain or let it go a bit coz I want to be back on my life track again and i need my Lord for that...

To all my blogger friends... i'm so sorry guys [sorry to you]... I guess I need to hibernate till I’m back on my feet… ;(

Just another day~*

Today is 17th July and i'm rite here stuck in my lab again. There will be new students coming over and i heard there will be 8 of them! [pheewww..] 2 of them will be the new PhD students from Iran and the rest will be the undergraduate student. I'm waiting for them rite now as they are having classes till this noon. i dont know if i can manage to monitor them but i hope they won't make any mess in this lab later...

I'm still waiting for my fumeric acid to come, or else, i can't continue my work here. I'm starting to get tired but i know i can't give up. Time is running out and i need to submit my latest abstract for the international conference in KUSTEM this October. Thanks to my prof, he's willing to pay the high fees due to the late submission of my abstract. [please prof, dont tell me i need to do any presentation~!! habis ler~*sigh*] I need to do more measurement and desperate for more data but can't come up with new samples coz i ain't got no fumeric acid~!! [wwaaaarrrggghhh...] So, me got no idea for this abstract~!! *sigh* Actually, i'm kinda in big trouble but what the heck~i'll make it thru~!! [like i never been in worse situation b4... duh~!]

Last week, i went to my friend's wedding,Azean. I was aware that this wedding function is a place for our gatherings. I had my gathering with member2 sekolah rendah. Bangians~! So glad to see Jalia, Fizi and Diana K. We really use to be close friends [Lama beb tak jumpa korg~!] and guess what? Diorg semua dah bertunang~!! [duh~! per nak heran~ bukan dah mmg masanyer ke?] Which leaves me the only single left... i guess.. [ya ka? waaa... fifi & shieda & wana tak bertunang lagi lar weh~!] Looking at my friends happiness shines from within, i kinda feel the same way too. Happiness. Praying a happy ever after to them... Selamat pengantin baru, Azean & Amin~! Also, all the best for this newly weds coz they're migrating to USA and congrats to Amin who just got promoted as a permanent engineer in Philadelphia. [rite?]
All the best to you guys~!

P/S : Atas masalah teknikal yg tidak dapat dielakkan, tiada gambar Azean dan Amin yg dapat dipaparkan.. *sigh*

Wedding Azean [dlm bilik pengantin beliau]-Shieda, Fifi and me~my chilhood friends~*

Been Tagged By Are-Where-Link

Just being innocent....

cantik nyerrr......

Habis lah keretaku...

My fantasy...


WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU LOOK AT?
~My skin (then my lips..)

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU?
~ Over 20 pound and over 20 dinar.. [hehe.. bantai convert ler]

WHAT'S A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH "TEST"?
Do your best...
In your test...
Beat the rest...
(pantun zaman2 sekolah dulu...)

FAVORITE PLANT?
~the yellow flower down there..

~ ulam-ulaman.. boley cabut dan mkn!

FAVOURITE GREEN PERSON?
~When my adik nak muntah and she kinda turns a bit greenish..

WHO IS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST ON YOUR CELL PHONE?

~hantu-najib [anyone wif hantu name on my list is org yg tak pernah jumpa and sering ganggu tiba2 dan ntah dari mana got my number~! Hantu lah tu~* maka jgn di angkat~!]

WHAT IS YOUR MAIN RING TONE ON YOUR PHONE?
~ I don't wanna know..Mario Winans..[for my msg alert]
~ Mungkin Nanti by Peter Pan.. [also for my msg alert]

WHAT SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
~baju kurung – baju raya masa form 5 dulu..

DO YOU "LABEL" YOURSELF?
~nope.. no labeling on my self...

NAME THE BRAND OF YOUR SHOES YOU'RE CURRENTLY WEARING?
~comfortable with my comfit bata [nih sandal pergi lab]

BRIGHT OR DARK ROOM?
~Bright lar....

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
~bloghopping and chatting...

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED ON YOUR CELL?
~From HATA, ucapan pantun gudnite nya yg panjang..

DO YOU EVER CLICK ON "POP UPS" OR BANNERS?
~i blocked it, so tak de lah nak click~!

WHAT'S A SAYING THAT YOU SAY A LOT?
~"apesal lak..." [menekan sket kat huruf ‘s’]

WHO TOLD YOU THEY LOVED YOU LAST?
~hahahaha... ada lah... kekekeke...

HOW MANY DRUGS HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST THREE DAYS?
~mcm byk je sebab sakit.. ubat sakit perut, ubat relax muscle strain, ubat antibiotik [ni drugs jugak ke?] and ubat sakit angin...

HOW MANY ROLLS OF FILM DO YOU NEED TO GET DEVELOPED?
~i hate taking pictures of myself~! Dont need any rolls then.. hehehe..

FAVORITE AGE YOU HAVE BEEN SO FAR?
~suweet 5-6-7 yrs old~!(Masa gi oversea.. byk travel~!!)

YOUR WORST ENEMY?
~pimples~!! Hehehehe...

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
~some techno geometri shape that my sist really admire..

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE?
~"apesal lak...? nape fuel cell ni nak pakai bateri? Ooo.. bateri sebagai starter ek? After that guna fuel cell sepenuhnyer? apesal lak..."

IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A MILLION BUCKS OR TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE A MAJOR REGRET?
~my major regret was wat i did to my mum... but i’ll choose a million bucks instead to buy her a BMW 5 series to cover back the major regret... hehehe...

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
~no.. i dont only like someone but I LIKE EVERYONE~!!

THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?
~because of you by kelly clarkson

WHOM I WANNA TAG?
~Nad..and Kamen...!!! muahahaha...

~Tak lupa juga kepada kaksya~

hehehe.. *wink*

150306 n 155755...

"u r irresistable...."

Wish i cud pluck them..

My fave...

Wanna runaway in this meadow...

I TURN TO YOU... (by sharifah zuraiha)
When I'm lost...in the rain, In your eyes I know I'll find the light, To light my way, When I'm scared, Losing ground, When my world is going crazy, You can turn it all around, And when I'm down you're there, Pushing me to the top, You're always there giving me all you've got....

For a shield, from the storm, For a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to you, For the strength, to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, For everything that's true, I turn to you-ooh

When I lose...the will to win, I just reach for you, And I can reach the sky again, I can do anything, 'Cause your love is so amazing, 'Cause your love inspires me, And when I need a friend, You're always on my side, Giving me faith, taking me through the night...

For a shield, from the storm, For a friend, for a love, To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you, For the strength, to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, I turn to you-ooh, yeah ooh

For the arms to be my shelter, Through all the rain, For truth that will never change, For someone to lean on, For a heart I can rely on through anything, For the one who...I can run to...oh, I turn to you......

For a shield from the storm, For a friend, for a love, To keep me safe and warm, yeah yeah, I turn to you, For the strength to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, For everything that's true, For everything you do,

For everything that's true, I turn to you...ooh.

All in All~*

Soooooo irresistable kid~!! hehehe..

It’s been awhile since my last update. Despite my not-so-good in health lately [still have this payau taste on my tongue] plus my fave team lost in their battle field, I find nothing much interest me. I was called to update after reading few of my blogger friends updated themselves with such interesting topics. But as for me, I have nothing in mind right now. Hmm…

Sibling-ship and father-ship ~ these topics attract me. I learn to value my family more and appreciate them for making me who I am now. They are the ones that actually put the colours in our life and taught us the meaning of life. Sometimes we just tend to ignore them and may sometimes value friendship more than value them. [well, at least that’s what the psychologist say]. Can’t deny the rebellious mood I had lately but in the end, I know it’s for my own good. At least, I learn to be patience and control my emotion. [me got quite low EQ indeed~!]

Nostalgia moments ~ well, having to share people’s nostalgia moments kinda remind me of mine. I mean whether during my schooldays or during my younger years back in UK, these topics manage to pull me back to where I used to be.

Couple ~ hm.. this topic really strikes me. Reading some of the comments, strikes me harder into my heart. It really shows me what a different life I’m going thru compare to them. I do not dare to comment any further as I may end up giving stupid ideas plus I do not want to sound hypocrite in the end. And yeah, ni direct nak ckp, i do huv a couple but i am not in love and i am in love but HE cant afford to be my couple.. Hahaha.. how can that be more confusing? That’s why lar ckp, don’t want to comment lebih2.. habis semua tunggang terbalik lak kang coz I’m also confuse… hahaha…[apa daaa aku merepek ni]

Back to school ~ moments of nightmare is about to begin [at least, it’s a nightmare for me!] It’s time for some of us to get their heads into assignments, back to burning up their midnight oils and cramping their brains into answering that sheet of paper in that big hall. Good Luck guys~!! As for me, I finished my last paper in last semester, ending with warna berterbangan and for these remaining semesters, I will be able to focus on my experiments only. [*sigh*] and yeah.. lots of seminar to attend. [*double-sigh*]

Not forgetting, I manage to feast my eyes with some cute pictures [children’s drawing] and some awesome video clips. I also enjoy pictures in most blogs coz they put a lot of smile on my face. [Damn they are good in taking pictures~!]. Some of the blogs did wrote some funny stories such as sang belut and sebatang pen. Those stories really tickle me. hahahaha...

All in all, most of these blog stories interest me. Also, I just hope Italy will win against France. I’m not a fan to both but I will support the team who can beat the one that knocked Brazil out. In this Cawan Dunia final, I may want to spend my time watching it. All the best to Italy~!

One In A Million~*

ok.. since my fave team,brazil lost to my not-so-fave team, i find the world cup is missing sumthing. hehehe... so, life goes on... despite the ending sparks of WC, malaysia pun takde kurangnyer seri in the singing contest. AF and OIAM are on their way. i never had AF in my list, so i go for malaysian idol. tapi lesen malaysia idol dah kene tarik, so, ganti dgn one in a million... hmm.. not bad lar.. check out these top 10~!

Mimi~great voice but with image problem here. she is suppose to look sweet just like her voice. hope she makes the rite song choice later, with the rite outfit!
Lokman~hmmm.. nothing much on him. Its just that he knows how to make friends with the stage. thats how he awes the judges~!

Farah Asyikin bt. Dato' Zulkifli... hahaha.. my cousin here. nice sweet voice. she improves a lot since she had her professional trainings on her vocals. personally kin, i think u can beat dayang lar. just need more konfidens jer. and please darl, try to look sweeter when u tarik ur voice~! [menggerunkan u know~!!] go kin go~!! [pssstt.. they provide u enuf clothes ah? dont forget,u promise not to look sexy maaa...]

Faizal~! i love this guy.. unik beb~! definitely boley jadik vocal maroon 5! hopefully dia tak salah pilih lagu. got potential to be in the top 5!

dayang nurfaizah~! you cant deny her. she has her own classy ways. she can definitely grab 1M~! what the heck, she did come here for the money tho~

Azfar~not my choice too but kinda good voice. definitely wont make it to the top 5~! need to work harder man~!

Anny- i dont know how she end up here.. definitely not my choice~!

Alif~he wasnt the prefered one but he manage to knock out the most prefered contestant by the judges-sook yee! he did conquer the stage with 'this love' by maroon 5. he did pretty well.



Alia was one of the top 10. she is not bad but i dont think she will stay long.

Ameen.. the guy yg 'berani main mata' with syafinaz.. he wasnt on the top 10, but he manage to impress the judges with his sweet charm. he knocked out the 3rd prefered contestant-zai[she picked the wrong song].

so, who are your prefered choice? the knocked out contestants got their second chance by sms. after going thru the survey, i find that sook yee will be back in the list. she was the most prefered contestant followed by dayang, zai and farah. sook yee is damn good but with the wrong song~!! really want her back in track too. i think she will. only 2 will be choosen joining these top-10.

so, who's your pick?

Hari ini~*

Lagu “Bad Day” berkumandang di radio when I was on my way to Klang untuk menghadiri majlis perkahwinan Syazrin Sahrani[lelaki] bersama pasangannyer, Syarmiza Mohamad[perempuan]. Syazrin was my collegue back in SAMBEST dulu. He was teaching kimia and I was on fizik.
Setelah puas menelefon org Klang tu bertanya kan jalan, aku gamble jer masuk jalan menuju arah Banting serta mencari kawasan Teluk Panglima Garang. Klang is not my territory. Dah puas tanya penduduk setempat, gamble masuk area Tmn Seri Medan. Kata syazrin, kenduri nyer tema hijau. Dah sampai jln pulasan tu, tgk2 pengantin sedang di arak. ‘oh, sempat lagi’ bisik hati ku tapi pelik kejap.. apsal pengantinnyer tak rupa syazrin? Takkan syazrin dah kecut begitu sekali? Kurus betol~! Makin gelap lak tu.. Ish..

Dah turun dari kereta tu, siap tanya mkck yg mengiringi pengantin [tapi dia tak tahu nama pengantin~!]. Setelah dpt pengesahan [melalui tema nyer yg hijau serta gadis yg dikahwininyer adalah org johor] maka aku melangkah masuk dgn yakinnyer. Jenguk2 lagi pengantinnyer. Sah~!!! Bukan syazrin~! Ishhhhhhh….. mcm mana boley tersalah majlis nih?? Hadoi…. Tiba2 dgr jugak ada bunyi kompang mcm dari arah blkg jln ni.. aku pergi jenguk dan sah..!! syazrin sedang di arak~! Hmm… cepat2 aku ikut rombongan pihak perempuan kononnyer bagi cover malu sebab dah tersalah masuk majlis tadi. Syazrin pun tema hijau gak. Last2 di fahamkan ada 3 majlis kenduri kahwin yg berlangsung serentak kat area tu.. patut lar~! [semua buat tema hijau pulak tuh~!] *sigh*

Apa2 pun, majlis went well. Masuk tgk pengantin atas pelamin, siap main lambai2 tgn lagi dgn syazrin. [apa la kau syazrin~! Tak malu2 kucing langsung ats pelamin~!] pastu keluar nk mkn tu, ingtkan ada lah jugak budak2 sambest yg boley aku join mkn sekali.. tapi hampeh~! Takde sorg pun bdk sambest~!! 15 min di mjls tu, barulah nmpk Ust. Bad with bini n anak, maka join saja mereka. Sempat mendukung anak Ust Bad, Adelan yg nk tgk pengantin. Main lambai2 jugak. Selesai mkn, mmg on the way berjln balik ke kereta,sempat kene hon dgn ustaz rizal yg baru sampai, “amboi mak datin~!” dijerkahnya. terkejut~! hehehe... Pastu, ust roslan dan ust zaidi pun ada sekali. Tapi tak sempat nk lepak sekali sbb dah jnji nk jumpa sumone masa tuh.. mereka sampai lmbt lar.. hehehehe...
To Syazrin n Syarmiza~ SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU~*

After mjlis tu, lepak2 kat kedai mamak. Belek magz. Pastu baru lah dtg empunyer diri yg ku mksudkan nak jumpa tadi. Kak Sya~!!!! Hehehehe… dtg klang tapi tak jumpa org klang, apakehal pulak kan.. mesti lah kene jumpa.. tak mcm org tu, arrogant lar dia tak sempat nk jumpa kita.. ;p kak sya dtg sefamily lepak kedai mamak kat situ. Dpt jugak jumpa Syasya akhirnyer~!!! “ibu.. ibu.. kwn ibu ni comel lar” was her first words towards our non-stop conversation. Hehehe.. ‘terima kasih syasya.. tapi syasya lagi comel lar’ hehehe.. ~kid says the darnest thing~* Jumpa kaksya and syamel [budak yg pendiam] serta syasya just make my journey to klang a worth one~! We had long conversation.. we talk n talk.. Turut juga menguraikan simpulan benang kaksya ttg mmbr2 bloggers kita ni.. [hehehehe…. masih klaka dgn kak sya yg konfius dgn kitorg ni] dan iyer kaksya, saya tak selebar mcm dlm gmbr. Hehehe… in the end, dgn berat hati nk tgglkan kaksya sebab rasa mcm tak habis bercerita lg. Thank you so much to kaksya for your wonderful present~!! Definitely we will meet again~!!

To all my blogger friends out there.. looking forward to see you too~*